Creating Utopia
by sweetnessofbeing
Summary: Mini's truth is very different from the facade she has put up. But Liv always has a way of knowing things before even Mini does.
1. Chapter 1

Mini was good at pretending. She had it down to an art. No one ever suspected anything. She nodded at the appropriate times, gave the perfect bitchy comments, and batted her eyes at just the right moments. It was all very normal.

She had Nick. Nick was perfect wasn't he? Arguably the cutest boy in school. On the rugby team as well. It really didn't get much better than that, did it? And he was sweet. Mini had to admit she'd done well for herself. She just started college and already she was making a name. Nick was good. No, great. She liked him a lot, really. She felt special with him. Like she mattered. Kissing Nick was pretty good. Nice. It was what couples did to show they really liked one another. Mini didn't mind doing it. She knew he probably wanted to do more, but she was always able to change the subject when things got to implicative. Kissing was good though. It brought her some level of satisfaction. Sort of like shopping did. Or losing a few pounds after a few weeks of eating those nuts she hated.

'_Those aren't the only nuts you hate,'_a voice said in her mind.  
"Shut up," Mini whispered to herself.  
If Liv and Grace had heard the voice they'd laugh at her. They'd all laugh. And they'd leave her. They'd go and find someone less fake. Someone who wasn't a big fat liar.  
Mini shook herself. She looked around, only just realizing that she'd been sitting in the back of the club Liv brought them to for about ten minutes, drowning in negative thoughts. She'd told the others she wanted to cool down a bit.  
There was a lot Mini didn't tell people. A lot even her best friends couldn't _really_ claim to know. And she had a feeling they knew. Well perhaps not Grace. Grace was lovely. She never asked too many questions, and she was always ready to accept anything you told her. It was that habit of seeing the good in everyone. Mini always considered it grossly naïve of her, but she appreciated it immensely when it came to hiding things herself.

And then there was Liv. Mini loved her. There was something just so…solid about Liv that she really admired, and very much envied. She'd never admit it, but she always felt as though she needed Liv more than Liv probably needed her. Mini had known Liv since primary, and it was a fact that Liv probably already knew all of Mini's secrets, even before she knew them herself. They had been best mates for years, Grace being the only addendum. It was a joke that Nick always told that they were attached at the hip. Mini would never admit to herself how happy it made her whenever he said that.  
Mini looked over from the bar bench she was sitting on. She had a clear view of most of the floor, as clear as a dark nightclub with strobes could be.

There was Liv, in the middle of the floor, dancing on some dorky looking blond chav. Mini was always vocal about how gross she thought the guys Liv fooled around with were. Not too vocal though, lest Liv point out her own failings. Mini wasn't ready to hear them. Especially not from her.

Mini gazed at Liv, watching how her body moved to the music. Hard electro boomed through the speakers, and with every hit of bass Liv's hips swung and butt grinded into the underimpressive boy behind her.  
Mini stared in awe and envy and something else she was afraid to put a name to. Liv always managed to make everything look so _easy._And _sexy_. Her skin looked so smooth and glowy, and her body soft, and wonderfully voluptuous. Mini knew she couldn't move her body like that, and feared the embarrassment of trying too hard. Liv didn't have to run every day and eat sunflower seeds. She didn't read Nylon obsessively and try to copy the trends. She shoved cheeseburgers in her mouth and wore what she wanted. And everyone loved her.  
_'Especially you,'_ the voice whispered.

Ugh, what the fuck? Mini was beginning to think the MDMA Liv gave her was spiked with LSD. Why else would she be having such crazy hallucinations? Just as she was about to get up and go and rejoin Liv on the dance floor, she saw that Liv was already headed over toward her.

"Hey Mins, what's up? You alright?"

Liv's pupils were the size of dinner plates, and Mini marveled at how radiant she looked, even sweaty as hell in this divebomb club that they fake –Ided their way into. She was hanging onto Mini's shoulder, laughing with the glee of a child at Christmas. Liv's body temperature was off the charts. That was the reason Mini gave herself for the burn she felt where Liv touched her.  
Mini gave her most convincing look of disdain.

"I'm fine Liv, gosh. Fuck, I don't think anyone here is as high as you."  
Liv laughed at that, a smooth sound that reminded Mini of molasses, or some other shit like that that one might call smooth.  
"You're not!" Liv shouted giggling. "Not high enough yet. Let's get you happy, Minimoo."

Liv reached into her pocket and pulled something out. Mini blinked and suddenly saw Liv's face inches from her own. Liv reached one warm finger up and slid a pill past Mini's lips and onto her tongue. Mini swallowed shakily, never breaking eye contact.

"Yeaaa now you're innit," Liv smiled like Chesire Cat.  
Suddenly she moved much closer. Mini didn't realize she had stopped breathing. Liv's face kept getting nearer and nearer.  
Suddenly Liv's lips were on hers and she was engaged in a battle of tongues fiercer than anything discussed in history class. Mini's mind had turned to mush, but one part seemed to remain. It kept wondering, _why was this happening? Why was Liv kissing her? Why here, in the back of the club?_

Liv and Mini weren't stranger to a bit of put-on making out. They did it every once in a while because they knew guys found it sexy. And that made guys want to buy them drinks and talk to them. That was the point wasn't it? Mini never let herself enjoy it. She wasn't some muffmuncher. She liked boys. Of course. And there were no boys to watch them here in the back were there? There was no reason to be doing this. What was Liv doing? Just how high was she?  
But at that moment Mini's thoughts paused, as she felt Liv's hands moving up her legs, to her stomach, then her breasts. Mini could not even lie to herself if she tried at that point. Kissing Nick had never been like this. Arousal rushed through her like lava. But this was Liv…  
_'Yes this is Liv'_ said the voice in her head. _'And this is exactly what you want. And she knows.'__  
_Did Liv want this too?

As if to answer her question, Liv's hand slid up her skirt and grasped her panties. Mini moaned.  
Liv's swollen lips tore from Mini's and whispered in her ear, "Wow, Mins. You like this, don't you? You've wanted this for a while. Wanted me. I knew it."

Mini's blush of shame was hidden by the dimness of the club but she was sure everyone in the world could see it. She figured Liv had to know, but she'd never wanted to believe she did. She remembered when they'd gone on holiday during the summer and Liv woke up to Mini kissing her and touching her skin. She'd jumped in…what was it? Disgust? Anger? No. It had been shock, nothing else. At the time, Mini hadn't been sure. She remembered being in the tent with her, and Liv giving her a look that said she thought Mini was the strangest girl on the planet. Lies had spilled for Mini's lips about how she'd thought Liv had been a boy and how she'd drank too much the night before. Apparently they both had known it was bullshit. Mini remembered how seeing that look on Liv's face had hurt. She suddenly felt an ache in her chest. The club seemed to get very cold.

"Mins?" Liv's face was filled with concern, peering at her. She gave what could only be described as an engaging albeit lustful smile. Liv clearly had been enjoying herself too.  
But Mini couldn't see through the liquid filling her eyes. She felt like a freak. Liv did this on purpose. She wanted to expose her. To make her feel stupid. Everyone would probably turn to laugh at her.

"Move," Mini said, pushing Liv off of her.  
"Mins, what's-"  
"I'm no dyke, Liv!"  
"Mins what're you…I didn't say…There's nothing wrong with—"

Liv's face was painted in confusion, and a bit of hurt. Mini noticed none of it. She just knew that Liv was going to tell everyone at school that Mini was a lezzer and that she wanted to lick her out and all sorts of other gross things to trash her rep. Whatever. Mini was still the one with the hot boyfriend. Liv could never make her look like a fool. She thought she was just going to use her to boost her ego? Not bloody likely.

Liv reached for Mini's hand trying to pull her closer.  
"Mini, it's okay! I wanted to tell you for a while that I—"  
Mini couldn't hear anything over the fresh anger and embarrassment rushing in her ears.  
"Fuck off Liv."

She roughly pushed her away from her, grabbed her jacket, and headed for the club exit.


	2. Chapter 2

Mini walked into Biology on Monday morning hoping to God that no surprises awaited her. There was one surprise: Liv was there (on time), and seated in their usual spot. Their eyes connected for a moment and Mini stopped in her tracks, turned around, and chose a seat on the other side of the room. She saw from her peripheral that Liv sighed, still staring at her sadly. Liv got up suddenly, walked across the room, and took the empty seat next to Mini. Mini was about to flee to another seat, but all the slackers chose that moment to file in and fill them all up.

"Mini, what the fuck?" Liv whispered. "I was trying to call you all day yesterday."  
"I was busy." Mini said tersely.  
"Yea, doing what? You don't have to avoid me."

Liv was giving her that look again. The look that was all too knowing for Mini's taste. Mini wanted to wipe it off her face.

"Mini, if this is about Saturday, I really don't see why you're being weird—"  
"Liv, shut up. Okay?"

Mini's voice had gotten embarrassingly high for a moment. She felt her face getting hot.  
Liv just frowned and turned back to her notebook. Mini relaxed a bit. She always felt a little safer when Liv gave up. But somehow lonelier at the same time.

They were supposed to be starting their first lab reports of the year. Their teacher had given the pair of them a look for talking, and then continued to tell the tale of how his wife recently left him.

Mini and Liv were lab partners, but Liv could see that today there was going to be a lot of independent working. She looked back over at Mini and saw her disregarding the lab completely, and instead reading a magazine article about "How To Please Your Man In The Bedroom". Liv frowned at her. It saddened her the way Mini put all these undo pressures on herself.

Liv turned in her seat and moved her hand cautiously across the table to clasp Mini's. Mini jumped like she'd been stung. She looked up at Liv for a moment. Liv smiled softly at her. It made Mini's eyes prickle. Her heart began thrumming in her ears and chest. Mini felt anger shoot through her. She snatched her hand back from Liv's and turned back to her magazine, trying to calm her breathing. She didn't know why she felt so flustered.

Liv sighed and turned back to her lab notes.

By lunch time Thursday, things were back to normal, or as normal as they could be with Mini. Liv decided that the best method, for now, was to just not talk about it. Liv hated playing this game with Mini. It was like trying to break through an ice cube with a sewing needle. Mini was damn near impenetrable, and yet completely transparent.

They met up with Grace, who was oblivious to the tension, and walked into the cafeteria. It was remarkable how well Grace seemed to extinguish the fire between the pair of them.

They saw the new girl sitting at the table with the ginger and the metalhead. Liv knew that as soon as this girl came speeding onto campus on that senior scooter, she'd made herself a target for Mini. And she knew exactly why. And knocking Mini into the mud during Sports Foundation had _definitely_ been a mistake. This girl had it in for her. Liv groaned inwardly. It was often funny to see Mini's _Mean Girls_antics but it grew a bit tiresome after a while.

The new girl's name was Franky. Mini invited her to hang out with them after school. Liv knew it was malicious, but she _was_ curious. Franky definitely had to have some stories to tell. Starting with the explanation for her wardrobe. Liv had to admit she looked pretty badass though.

But Franky ran off before they could really find anything out.

"See ya later!" Grace called after her.

"Don't be gay, Gracie," Mini said scornfully.

Liv smirked at Mini knowingly. Mini glanced at her for half a second before looking away. Liv rolled her eyes.

_'She's so full of shit.'_ Liv thought affectionately.

The three of them and Franky took MDMA at the mall and danced with the street performers. Well Liv, Grace, and Franky danced while Mini went upstairs and dropped fries on people's heads. Figures. She definitely wasn't going to _eat_them. That's when she brought up the party.

"Yea that'd be—that'd be cool," Franky stammered. She smiled from ear to ear, her braces gleaming in the sun streaming through the mall. Liv found her reaction endearing. She could tell Franky probably hadn't been invited to many parties.

"Excellent!" Mini simpered, voice like spiced honey. "Oh but…what are you gonna wear? Cuz we need, you know, the situation sorted out first…no offense."

Liv had to look away to keep from laughing. Mini was ridiculous. It was almost exasperating. Only Mini found this chick's clothing to be such a threat. Liv wouldn't be caught dead in them herself, but she honestly couldn't give a fuck. But she saw this coming. Stevie Wonder could've seen the way Mini had been checking Franky out earlier. Liv was pretty sure she didn't _dis_like Franky's clothes at all.

Anyway, Liv found no reason to dislike this girl herself. Sure, she was a little weird, but that was okay. Mini was always trying the hardest to be "normal", and only ever managed to seem weirder. Franky wouldn't be an unwelcome addition to their group in that sense.

She sort of freaked out when they tried to put lipstick on her, but Liv managed to put some eye shadow on her. She looked nice.

"You've totally got like _fuck me _eyes girl," Liv smiled.  
"Totally fuck me sideways eyes," said Grace.

"When you've finished licking her out…we've got outfits to sort," Mini interjected.

Liv rolled her eyes, still smiling at Franky. Mini always had a way of revealing exactly what she felt in her attempts to seem indifferent. Liv hoped Franky was strong because she knew the kind of hell she was going to face from Mini, just for looking the way she did.

And when Franky caught them looking at the pictures of her being bullied from her old school, Liv knew that if Franky didn't toe the line, it was war. And Mini had the ammunition.


	3. Chapter 3

Liv was amazed that Franky showed up to Mini's party. Even after Mini had Nick put those pictures up, she still came. Liv had to admit, the girl was tough. Perhaps not very intelligent, though. Mini was having none of it.

"Just look at you standing there like some-"  
"Cuntless dyke-like no breed stutter fucker spacko lame-o shitheaded wanker magnet oliver twisted thimble-titted loser loner fugly bastard!" Franky shouted in one breath.

The temperature in the club dropped. Everyone stared at the scene.

"I really feel that we could be mates! Fucking awesome mates!" Franky went on.

"They're not your mates. They're my mates. We only let you tag along with us for jokes." Mini struck coldly.

"That's not true… is it Grace, that's not true? We had laughs, Liv, didn't we?"

Liv felt the guilt gnaw at her. She didn't know what to say. She knew there was no reason for her personally to pick on this girl, but what could she do? It was just Mini's way.

"Must've been tripping Frankenstein. Now get the _fuck _out of my party!"

The entire club watched as dapper, suit-clad Franky ran back out of the door she entered no more than two minutes ago. Liv noticed Grace run after her. Good, sweet Grace. She'd put everything right. The thought lessened some of the guilt Liv felt.

"That bad mouthed lesbo's like shit on my fucking stiletto!" Mini went on, chest heaving in frustration.

"Seriously Mins, this isn't year eleven anymore," Liv admonished. She gave Mini a long, hard look. Mini returned it for half a second, then took a rough swig of her drink. Liv wondered how exhausting it had to be for Mini…to continue these antics year after year, on girl after girl. It just wasn't fun anymore. But Liv had a feeling Mini never actually did it for "fun". Liv thought back to the look of exhilaration she saw on Mini's face when she had pushed Franky's face into the mud. She wore the same look now, only it was tainted with something else…sadness, maybe? Liv considered her for a moment. She knew, in some twisted way, that this sort of shit kept Mini up. She _needed_to be this way. Poor Franky was just the flavour of the week.

Mini cast around for something to say. She noticed Grace was gone.  
"Where the fuck is Grace?"

Liv glanced over at the door, saying nothing. Mini was avoiding her gaze. Liv grabbed her hand suddenly, pulling her toward the back of the club.

"Liv, what the fuck?"

"Come. Walk with me." Liv said shortly, leading her toward a closed off back room.

Mini grabbed her drink from the bar and obeyed.

They came into a dim lounge in the back that was clearly for hooking up. Liv pulled Mini into the room and closed and locked the door behind them.

"Okay, you gonna tell me what the fuck this is about or-?"

"Shhh. Just…shhh." Liv brought her finger up to Mini's lips and hushed her.

Mini looked down at Liv's finger against her lips and fell silent. Liv noticed her swallow hard and shiver.

"Sit down." Liv said.

Mini didn't sit. A nervous giggle tore through her. It sounded terrifically forced.

"Liv, what the fuck…this is getting really lesbo-rapey—"

"-Stop! Just-just stop. Stop doing that."

"Doing what?" Mini shouted, getting annoyed.

"That word. Stop saying it. I need you to tell me what's going on. Why you keep doing this. You know she didn't deserve that. Tell me." Liv coaxed softly.

Mini turned to face the wall and brought her drink to her lips. She took another long swig. Liv noticed her hand shaking almost imperceptibly.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about Liv. Are you high?"

"You know, Mini! Stop playing this stupid game. Remember Millicent? And Georgina? And Collette? And Anita? Remember _me?_"

Liv knew she had broken something because Mini shook. Her drink almost spilled, and her back stiffened.

"And now Franky. Always giving the girls hell, Mini. Why? I know you. You need to tell me why."

Mini turned around to reveal watery eyes and a bright pink face. She had a glare that could kill.

"Seems to me you've got everything all fucking figured out, don't you Liv?" she said murderously.

"Mini, I—"

"No, Liv. I know what you're doing. Move out of my way."

She pushed roughly passed Liv to open the lounge the door, but Liv pushed her firmly back against the wall. Her face was an inch from Mini's.

"Stop this bullshit, okay? I'm your oldest friend, and you need to start telling me the truth. Stop your fucking lying, Mini. I _know _you."

Mini choked out a sob, staring up at the dim lighting, tears in her eyes. She pushed against Liv, but she wouldn't budge.

"Liv, get the fuck off. _Please_. Just get the fuck off."

"No." Liv said gently. "I know why you do it, Mini. I'm waiting for you to say it. I don't think you ever will."

"Shut. UP! Fuck you, Liv."

Liv stood up on the toes of her heels and grabbed Mini's face in her hands. She crushed her lips against Mini's.

Mini tried roughly to push her back, but Liv was stronger than her. Liv's lips held hers in a vice grip. Her tongue seemed to pull at Mini's consciousness, because it was an embarrassingly short amount of time before Mini was definitely kissing back. The truth could be seen miles away.

Liv pulled Mini's hands toward her body, encouraging her to wander. Mini gave a conflicted, tear filled moan. Liv pulled back and rested her forehead on Mini's. Mini began to cry quietly. She wanted to scream. She wanted to scratch Liv's face, to hurt her, to push her down and control her. But her body wouldn't let her. She felt like an open sore. And Liv was the salt. Sweet, beautiful salt.

'_This feels right. It's not like this with Nick. You know it.'_

"I know. It's okay Mini, you're okay. You've got to be honest with yourself. I still love you."

Mini's fingers slid smoothly over the sides of Liv's face. She wanted so badly to dig into it, to make her go away. She just kept pulling her secrets out of her, like those clowns in the circus pulled those different colored tissues out of their pockets. It felt like shit. Liv just held her.

"I see the way you look at her Mini. It's always the same look." Liv stared at her pointedly. They both knew what it meant. The look was the same for when she looked at Liv, too.

'_You know you want to fuck girls.' _

"Your girlcrush is blatant," Liv said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

Mini half-grinned, wiping the tears from her face. Liv pulled her over to one of the benches in the lounge.

"You know you can talk to me about anything. I don't get why you felt the need to keep this from me…" Liv asked. She looked hurt.

"It's not that…it's just…I don't know. I don't want to talk…about it. I just want-I just want it to fucking go _away_, okay?" Mini's voice was strangled. Liv nodded sadly. She reached over and clasped Mini's hand in hers, giving it a squeeze.

The two of them just sat in silence for a while, hearing the muffled Girls Aloud pumping the through the speakers of the club outside. They kissed once more. Liv ran her fingers through Mini's hair.

They didn't know how much time had passed, but the two of them sat there on the bench, Mini resting her head on Liv's shoulder.


End file.
